What is life?

It has been so long time since I have written anything, I hope I remember how! I’ve been very busy lately. Mostly trying to figure out what the fuck I’m doing with my life. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. A lot of self-reflecting and self healing. I’m slowly but surely learning about myself. I’m doing things I never thought  I’d do. I mean that in a positive and negative way. But I’m growing. I learning about the world, seeing it from different point of views the more I learn about it. Which always brings me back to the root question, what is life? What am I suppose to be doing in my life?

I’m still young, but older enough to know what I want and don’t want in life. But I still struggle. Hard. I’m struggling to hold on to a relationship that literally doesn’t even exist anymore. Struggling to  get out of my hopeless job. Struggling to maintain financial stabliltly. Struggling to find the answers, but can’t seem to find them. No matter how hard I look. I always would joke I’d ask myself if I knew the answers. And that’s when it all clicked for me. The reason why I couldn’t find answers to the question “what is life?” 

Life is what you believe it is. Life is the way it is. Life is what you want it to be. Within this small world of ours, there are billions of lives. Each and every single one different from each other. Some better than others. Some a lot better than others. Some right in between. I’m right below that. I like to call it “upper lower class.” Meaning, I make enough to live. And that’s about it. I live pay check to pay check, with pretty much all of that going towards bills. If I want to do anything special and fun, I have to start saving way in advance and make sure that all other important bills are paid first. It’s a bit frustrating, but for me, it’s life. I try not to complain too much because I know that their are others who struggle a lot harder than I have to. I am thanks for a that hopeless job, because either though they treat me bad, I still at least have a job. That helps me have a car to drive, a home to live in and food to eat. No I don’t have much, but I have the basics of what I need to survive. And I guess, sometimes that what life feels like. More surviving, less actually living.

What little life you do get, there seems to always be a million people trying to tell you what to do with it. How to live it. Take the advise if/ when you want, but never forget that it is YOUR life. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes if it’s gonna help you learn. I know I have. Do what makes you happy. Even if other don’t approve. Example, I color my hair like once a year, I have very natural, very kinky hair. For any type of hair coloring is a risk, but even more so for black hair. And I have had issues in the past with my hair and coloring it doesn’t always seem to help . My mother advised me to stop coloring my hair. I didn’t. I colored my hair, and when she asked me why I simply said “just because.” Just because I can. Because I am in control of the choices and decisions I make in life. 

Not just my life, every life around me. The closer you are to a person, the most important your interactions are with them. I see customers all day long, I sell them something, they love it! It’s magical! They thank me. When they leave that story, they aren’t thinking about me anymore. They transferred their happiness, into the item. It’s no longer me that brought them that joy, they think it is the item. But something happens to it. And when people are mad, they are always mad at the wrong people. So, they come to me, tell me the device isn’t working properly. When it comes to broken devices, all I can do is try to find the issues, address the problem, and try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. And that is my relationship. Well a common problem in it. In a nutshell, cause if I went over my ENTIRE relationship, it would need to be a whole post on it’s on. But pretty much, I still live with my ex-boyfriend. We still sleep in the same bed, and for most of the time, we are okay with each other. He can be such a loving, sweet funny person. But nonetheless, more often than not, he still chooses to disrespect me. I was being emotionally abused for a very long time and didn’t even know it. I was always made to be the villain. Which to be fair, I can admit when I’m being a bit headstrong, because that’s who I am. But my intentions are never to hurt anyone’s feelings and it’s just seemed like to me, sometimes, his intentions were to hurt mine. To Make me feel bad. I have seen subtle changes in him. He has expressed his desire to make up and has put in effect to change. But at this point, I have invested almost fifteen years of my life to this man. FIFTEEN YEARS! That’s a long time for anyone, but that’s over half my life. I have loved him since even before I knew love was. I always thought he felt the same, but I realized that if he did, there was no way he could treat me the way he does. I have total control over who is and isn’t in my life. And my next step in this broken relationship, move out and move on. Because I keep holding on to something that isn’t really moving forward. And I need to.

I’m still trying to find my footing in life. I don’t know what I’m suppose to be doing. I just wanna be happy. I’m starting to think, maybe they are no answer to the question “what is life?” Because I think life is about the seeking part, and less on the actual answers. Like when they say, it’s about the journey, not the destination. We are always trying to figure out what the end game is, what we are suppose to be doing in life with who and where by when. But maybe, were just suppose to go out there, live and let life guide us. Stop looking for answers and just forget about the question. I hate stressing about life, and for the most part, I can maintain a sense of serenity. But not always. Which is why I started this blog. It’s about my self reflections and telling a little bit of my story one post at a time. Share my journey and goals. In hopes that maybe someone else can find answers to their life questions here!

Thanks for reading. This was a little bit of a random post, not really formatted. I just felt like writting about something and this is it! If you don’t already, follow my blog so you never miss a  post. Like, share, comment, let me know what you think about the post.even though I started this blog a while ago, I’m still new to this, getting my footing, so always any tips and tricks would be welcomed. Until next time!

17 Things you should try in 2017

Every year, we all hear the same thing. It’s a new year, it gonna be a new me!

For most of us, this might be a new hair style or a new boyfriend. Maybe you got a new job. Now I’m not saying that these are minor things, these are pretty big life changing moments. But what we tend to do is try one or two BIG changes once a year rather than doing little changes throughout the year. Which I think is most excited when you have something to look forward to more often than just once a year. So I came up with a list of things you can do anytime, and throughout the year. Pretty much everything on the list is either free or can be made affordable on any budget. So, without further ado here is my list of “17 things you should try in 2017.”

1. Read a classic novel

I truly believe that these days, reading is undervalued and under appreciated. Most of us just wait for books to become movies to learn their story. Which is sad, because reading really promote imaginations and stimulates the brain. Over the last few years, I think books have been trying to make a come back. With novels like Twilight, Hunger Games and Fifty Shades of Grey, Which I think all go down in history, But nonetheless, there are some novel that are timeless classic that talk about and were written when times were very different from the one we live in now, but still, have messages that can translate even today. Some classic novel you can try are:

•  Pride and Prejudice
• To Kill a Mockingbird
• Wurthering Heights
• Lord of the Flies
• Fahrenheit 451
• The Scarlett Letter
• Misery
• Gone With the Wind
• Uncle Toms Cabin
• The Green Mile

2.Watch a classic movies

Just like with classic novels, classic movie have changed and involved quite a bit over the years. Not just the type of movies made, but the way they are made. From silent films to movies shot on 4k cameras with CGI. And even though the way we see and hear films has change, the experience is still as wonder. It fun watching classic movies because not only do you get to see how over the years stories change and develop to fit current times, but you also get to see how far technology has come. Also, there are just a few films that no matter what year it is, will always be a great film. Such as:

• The wizard of Oz
• Psycho
• Breakfast at Tiffany’s
• Rear Window
• One Who Flew Over the CooCoo’s Nest
• The Birds
• Some Like It Hot
• Night Of The Living Dead

3. Try a new meal from around the world

I LOVE FOOD!! I love trying new and different foods. But I don’t do it as often as I think I do. Like, I think the last time I really tried something new was sushi. Which was about five years ago. Living here in America, I don’t think that some of us really take advantage of what we have here. We are lucky enough to be the home of many international cultures here. So most likely, you could probably find international grocery store or farmer markets the sell all kinds of food from all over the world. So don’t be afraid to try something new. It could be delicious

4. Volunteer/ donate

A lot of us like, comment, and share post all over your social media to show our support for   a cause. But out support usually ends there. Something is better than nothing, but we could all every once in a while step up and do just a tiny bit more. Something as simple as donating used clothes or volunteering out time to a local cause means so much to somebody else.

5.Hand write a letter

Something that use to be the default way to communicate has become almost completely obsolete thanks to technology. Most of us just text, tweet or email someone when we want to talk to them.But something about a hand written letter, words written on paper with pen, just feels so much more personal. I really think it could make anyones day!

6. Make something

Thanks to sites like pinterest, finding D.I.Y projects are easier than ever. You can make anything from beauty products like lip balm to bookshelf. usually at cheaper prices than you could buy in the store, plus, it’s exactly how you want it.

7. Have a “you” day

Us humans, are social creatures. Most of our days, we are around people, at work and at home. You might not feel it, but sometimes being around people all the time start weighting on you. Worrying and dealing with your our problems and the problems of other around you, you just need a breather. One of my life mottos is to make you to love and take care of yourself, while you’re taking care of others. Too often do we forget to do this. So take a “you” day. Use some vacation time away from work or use a day off to do nothing but you. See a movie, treat yourself to a spa day or nap all day, whatever you want to do. As long as it’s what you want to do, have fun!

8.Binge watch a show

Believe or not, we have been binge watching shows since before we were calling it that. When tv channels would have “marathons” all day. With the invention of On-demand, and streaming site like Netflix and Hulu its easier than ever to sit in bed for hours, eating junk food and watching episode after episode after episode(Just one more!) I absolutely LOVE binge watching. I love being able to start a show and not have to wait to see the big twist a whole week later. I’ve binge watch Dawson’s creek, Dexter, Pretty Little Lairs, just to name a few. Some shows I even binge before ever new season, like the Watch Dead and Game of Throne. EVERY. SINGLE.EPISODE.ALL.OVER.AGAIN. A couple of shows I recommend:

• The Walking Dead
• Luke Cage
• Daredevil
• Black Mirror
• House Of Cards
• Orange Is The New Black
• Westworld
• The Night Of
• Stranger Things

9. Get a plant My recommendations (founded on hdtv.com)

Wanna take care of something?  That you can watch grow and bloom and be proud of without having to worry about paying for college tuition in eighteen years? Maybe you don’t want to have to worry about coming home and finding that your couch is chewed up. Look no further, you need a plant. Plants are great ways to care for something without having to worry about killing it. plus they are pretty and some can even improve the air quality in your home. I listed a few easy pants to take care of down below.

• Aloe
• Snake Plant
• Rabbits Ear
• Dumb Cane
• Cactus

10.Go one day without technology

*sigh* clearly we are a technology obsessed world. We work, play and live on our phones, tablets, and tvs. We are probably on them more than we do anything else through the day. we don’t eat, sing happy birthday or sleep before putting its social media. Not to say this is a bad thing. Like I said before, we are social creatures. But too much of a good thing can be bad. So maybe just drop everything for one day. Read a book, draw a picture. If you can drop everything all together, maybe just turn the tv off for a day or log off of social media. Reminisce when times were simpler.

11. Take A class

There are a few different website online that let you take classes for free. One that I use is coursea.org. They have a bunch of different classes in a range of topics like history or coding. It’s a great way to learn something new as well as brushing up some knowledge you already have on a topic. You can even try an in person class at your local community centers like yoga or kickboxing.

12. Watch the sunset/sunrise

Two of the most beautiful times of the day and most of us miss it. I consider myself a selenophile. That doesn’t mean I have an unhealthy obsession with Selena Gomez. But I do have an obsession with the moon. So I often look up at the night sky. But I never really get to see the sun set or sunrise. Which is equally as beautiful. Seeing it makes you realize that even in this crappy crap world, there is beautiful. And the most beautiful things in this world are free.

13. Make a full course meal

I really love food. Did I say that already? How often so we actually have Full-course meals.(Which up until I was writing this, I was calling a four-course meal… silly me) Most of us just eat dinner with a couple of sides. Maybe dessert. But an actually full course meal is:

1. soup hot or cold(Who wants cold soup?)
2. a salad
3. appetizer
4. entrée/main meal
5. dessert

These are commonly seen at big events or parties but really, you can have them whenever you want. You can make it as big or small, as fancy or plain as you want. How ever you do it, Bon appetite!

14.Write A poem

There are many different types of poems out there. Like haiku’s

Flying in the sky

Forgetting the ground below

Makes me feel so free

or acrostic

Making

Images

Reflect

Reveal

Oneself

I’ve been writing poetry since I was about seven,  and I have always loved it. it’s something that I don’t do as often anymore and I think most of us don’t do. Maybe before they are afraid they can’t rhyme. But honestly, not all forms of poetry even require rhymes like free verse. Another thing I think that stops people from writing a poem is that it’s not cool. But look at it this way, rapping is a form of poetry. Poems over beats. That sometimes doesn’t make sense. And sometimes sexually objectified women.

15. Watch a documentary

I love documentaries. They are awesome. I’ve learned a lot from documentaries and they are alway interesting. I love watching the light-hearted ones about the animals kingdom, which can get kinda heavy if you happen to catch one where a shark is eating a dolphin. Then I want some of the ones about darker topics like serial killers, those are the ones that really get your mind going. Some of my favorites are below

• 13th
• Planet Earth
• Supersize me
• It’s a Girl
• Dark Girls

16. Tell someone how you fell about them

Too often to hold back how we feel. Feel about our jobs, our relationships even our family. it eventually takes a toll on you and sometimes we just end up snapping! So if there is someone in your like that you don’t feel like appreciate you or respect you. Let them know!

We all have our limits and it important to make sure that in any situation that you are not taken advantage of. On the flip side, maybe you have someone in your life that is absolutely wonderful. Someone you couldn’t imagine your life without and maybe you’re the one that needs to show a little bit more love. Let them know too. It’s just as important to let the people we love know that we love them, as it is to make sure you’re getting love back.

17. Write a letter to yourself

This could be your past self, present self, or future self. But have a conversation with you. Reflect on your wants and needs, hopes and dreams. Your current life journey and your life plans. Take some time out of your day to let you know you love you too. Do a little bit of self-reflection and figure out where you are in your life and what you have to do to improve it. If you’re right where you want to be, what reflect on what you had to do to get there and what you love most about life right now. Because if you can’t love you’re self, its hard to love anyone else.

That’s the list. I myself and going to try to do everything on the list as well. If you aren’t already, make sure to follow my blog, and let me know in the comments below if you’re going to try this challenge so to speak. Thanks!

Interpersonal relationships

As social creatures , we are responsible for creating and maintaining relationships throughout our lives. Failure to do so, we are given labels like “antisocial”,”shy” and “awkward”.(I have been all of the above)

Building relationship usually begin with our parents, which is why having damaging relationships with them usually have an effect on all of the other relationships we have as well.

People with “Mommy issues” or “Daddy issues” usually have problems in other relationships as well. The interactions and connections we have or don’t have with our parents are the building foundation of our lives. Usually what our parents believe in they teach to us, and it’s what we believe until we are old enough to establish our own opinions.

 

As we grow, some of our first friendships are with our brothers and sisters. Being that they are raised with us, for the most part, it’s just an easy interaction. Until personalities and hormones kick in, then they can seem like your worst enemies. This usually doesn’t last though and a damaging relationship with a sibling can be repair easier than outside relationships. Siblings are usually close enough in are where they can grow together and be by each others side.(Unless you’re like my mother, who instead of giving a sister at five, gave me a brother at ten, thanks mom.)

 

Non-family relations usually happen when we are around school age. For most young children, they are easy to make, and just as easy to lose. Because at this time we haven’t actually developed the skills to maintain relationships. They just happen because you like the color of someones dress or they shared a juice box with you. these relationships we continue to make for the rest of our lives. Some only last for months, some years, and rarely they last lifetimes. These relationships don’t usually hold as much weight as the other, it usually easier to drop these if need be, but nonetheless, it’s still important to hold on tight and cherish them.

 

Intimate relationships are probably the ones we word the hardest for. Hardest to get, hardest to maintain, and the hardest to let go of. We’re born into the relationships with our family. Friendships are based off of casual bases. But intimate relationships, you must first develop an attraction to someone, hope that they feel that same affection back. Develop and maintain trust. Learn habits, goals, personalities, beliefs and hope that none of it clashes with you own. Even then the work is never over. You constantly have yo grow together, rely on each other for support, and most importantly COMMUNICATE.

Communication is the most important thing in any relationship, especially an intimate one. It is key! It is how we learn what is right and wrong. In a partnership, you can not hold back your feeling and emotions. Your concerns and worries. When you do, you’ll eventually only end up hurting your self and the other person, which could cost you a relationship. Over something that could have been easily avoided. You have to allow yourself to be open and honest and make sure your partner gets a chance to do the same. These relationships are the ones we probably grown and learn the most from. All other relationships we have, we take little bits and pieces from each of those and build what we want and what we don’t want in a partnership. These are also the relationships we probably have the longest as they usually end with the dream of being married, with children.

We hope for this person to be a lover, a friend and a partner in all ways. And when someone fails the test, its heart breaking. Its takes so much of our time and so much strength to mend those broken pieces. Those broken piece now become the new foundation on what you believe you want and need from a relationship. you add and subtract the things you liked and different like the last time around and try to find someone who fits your new list. This could be damaging though. You build up walls around your heart, and it makes it harder for the next person to knock them down.There will never be any relationship that is a 100 percent perfect. With a little bit of time, patience and love any obstacle can be overcome.

In any and all these relationships, never force anything. Let it happen naturally. What will be, will be. The future is already determined and the only part of it you have control over is how you react to it. Never lose who you are trying to find someone else. And while you’re loving someone else, never forget to love you too!